this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
