Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
