WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
