mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
