The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
