those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
