not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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