On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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