HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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