We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
