just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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