Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
