be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
