Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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