Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I deserve this hangover.
I wear drunk well.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
