the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You've changed since you got that strap on
Randomize
