This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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