"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
