This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
