The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I just blew my weed a kiss
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
