that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
