just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
