last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
