so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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