Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I supernannyed him into submission
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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