I'm jealous of your bromance
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
