I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
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