Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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