hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
