i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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