Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
