Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
