Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
My ATM looks so different sober.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
