It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
