Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
