Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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