dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
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