i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
