And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
