I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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