It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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