Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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