threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
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