You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
