Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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