they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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