so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
