I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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