I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
