just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
