I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
