She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
