Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
