So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
