I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
