Screwed.edu
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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