I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
