we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
