Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
