He uses pillows to masturbate.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
