I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
