I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
she peed on how many people?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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