If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
